You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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