i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
