I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
