I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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