i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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