i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
