Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
