You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
