sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm determined to sit on that face.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
