im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
