she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
