I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
