So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
