So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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