I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
