pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
