My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
