i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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