I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
