i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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