but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
