i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
