so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
