I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We're like a lot better than the average bears
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
