my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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