I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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