wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
