I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
