But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
