nut hugger
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
