Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize
