I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
