my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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