I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How does one acquire holy water?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
