her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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