She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
