It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
