So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
