Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
