On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
4 words: hood of his car
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
