We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
