Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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