Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
