i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
