GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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