I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
