i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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