Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
