oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
