I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
